Yes, I am currently single. But that’s not what this blog post is about. This is about being physically alone and feeling okay with it. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, or if you live alone or not. At some point or another, we all spend time alone with ourselves. Are you comfortable with it?

I’m a very independent person, and I’m naturally introverted, so I’ve always been comfortable spending time alone. In fact, if I find myself in a social situation for too long, I just start losing energy and stop talking. I need alone time to reenergize.

When I was young, I had only one friend in my neighborhood around my age, whereas my older brother had a bunch of friends his age. This caused me to think outside the box when it came to having fun. I often would act out plays and have a “pretend” husband and kids. It felt completely natural for me to spend time alone, creating a world inside my imagination.

I always felt content being single, too. In fact, I cherished it. Once I’d find myself in a relationship, that’s when I’d start to freak out. This was the opposite of most of my friends. By the time we reached high school and college, everyone went searching for a significant other, seemingly desperate to have someone to love at their side, and someone to love them back. This was never me.

However, after my last breakup, the tables turned, and I finally realized how it felt to not want to be alone. This was literally the first time I had ever felt this way. I looked around, and nine out of 10 of my friends had someone at their side. Every time we got together, they either showed up as a pair, or they spent the entire night talking about their other half. I began to freak out.

I had to take a step back from the situation and try to gain some perspective. What I gained was an epiphany about how scared the world is of being alone. I’m not even talking about relationships anymore.

Women go to the bathroom in groups. So many people go to yoga classes and the gym with someone, or they don’t go at all. People are judged if they go see a movie alone, or they go out to dinner alone. If you see someone in a coffee shop or riding the bus alone, they have their face in their phone, urgently connecting to someone on Facebook, or better yet, Tinder.

Why is everyone so afraid of spending time alone?! Is everyone that uncomfortable with themselves that they need the reassurance of someone else’s love and affection at all times? Is everyone keeping busy in order to hide from their inner feelings and thoughts, so they never have to deal with them? Is everyone afraid of what the rest of society thinks of them spending time alone?

Whatever your reason is for not wanting to be in a room alone with yourself, put it aside, and just do it. Carve out time to spend with yourself. Start at home by reading a book, watching a movie or just listening to music alone. Step it up a notch by going somewhere alone, like to a fitness class, an expo, a workshop, or to a restaurant. 

Once you get more comfortable with spending time alone, try just sitting in a room and not doing anything! Just sit there and be with yourself. Listen to your thoughts. Replace your thoughts with positive, loving thoughts. Send your thoughts away and think about nothing, and meditate.

I have gotten back to feeling comfortable with spending time alone, and it feels great. I have my biggest moments of personal growth when I’m alone. It feels so refreshing to not need anyone else’s love and affection to make me feel worthy and happy. I love myself enough to know that I am enough, just me, whether someone else is around or not.

Then when I do spend time with someone else, it’s wonderful, because I’m not dependent on them for anything. It’s solely about the joy of connecting. I truly believe that if you spend some time alone, even just a little bit, your relationships will actually thrive!

How much happier and more stable would the world be if everyone felt content and love toward themselves? For more information on this subject, read 5 Good Reasons to Wait to Marry, even if you are married, and How To Be Alone (And Not Be Unhappy), both from the Huffington Post. One excerpt I love:

How have we arrived, in the relatively prosperous developed world, at least, at a cultural moment which values autonomy, personal freedom, fulfillment and human rights, and above all individualism, more highly than they have ever been valued before in human history, but at the same time these autonomous, free, self-fulfilling individuals are terrified of being alone with themselves?

Think about it. If you need help with this, contact me about my health coaching programs! My one-month self-discovery program would be especially valuable.